WWE SmackDown! – January 15, 2004
Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Announcers: Michael Cole & Tazz

With only 10 days remaining until the Royal Rumble, SmackDown comes to Mohegan Sun and titles are on the line! The Basham Brothers will defend their WWE Tag-Team Championship belts against Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty. Too Cool 2.0 were to get a title shot last week until a sneak attack by The Basham’s and Los Guerreros took their place. Meanwhile, already in the ring is SmackDown General Manager Paul Heyman …

Heyman says good evening to the ladies and gentlemen in attendance and says tonight SmackDown emanates from the gambling center of the East Coast, the Mohegan Sun Casino. So with that in mind, and with the Royal Rumble now less than two weeks away, Heyman says he’s arranged for some very special matches with the winners advancing on to the Royal Rumble match as part of SmackDown’s allotment of 15 SuperStars while the losers butt out. Heyman notes how the opportunity at competing in the Royal Rumble affords 1 man the chance to hit the jackpot thereby earning himself a Championship Match at WrestleMania XX. Before Heyman can espouse on the matches further, however, he’s interrupted by John Cena, “The Doctor of Thuganomics,” as Michael Cole reminds the television audience that Cena, along with Chris Benoit, already qualified for the Rumble a few weeks back when they outsmarted Heyman and defeated all three members of The F.B.I. Heyman doesn’t take kindly to Cena coming out to the ring during his introductory briefing, reminding Cena just who he is, the SmackDown General Manager, while questioning Cena as to who in the hell he thinks he is? Cena shushes Heyman with some kind of spray then does his word life schtick, including a rather funny joke about an ECW check bouncing. Tazz, on commentary, references he had one of those and they stunk. LOL. Cena wants to shut Heyman up for the night so he gets him up for the FU! Rhyno appears, however, and he ambushes Cena from behind, then hits him with a belly-to-belly suplex and the gore!!! Heyman revels in Cena’s pain shouting “Gore! Gore!!” He gets in Cena’s ear kneeling down next to him and promises that tonight will be a night he never, ever forgets!
(We’re continuing to see Cena be a thorn in Heyman’s side by the week, but tonight, it appears, Paul E was ready.)

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio is introduced for guest commentary. Cole and Tazz plug Mysterio’s “Crossing Borders” track on the WWE Originals CD that’s set to come out.

#1 Contender’s Match:
* The winner receives a Cruiserweight Championship Match at the Royal Rumble *
Jamie Noble (w/ Nidia) vs. Tajiri (w/ Akio & Sakoda)

Result/Analysis: Noble via pinfall (3:22) following the tiger bomb. It was easy to think the booking was steered toward Mysterio versus Noble based on their interaction from SmackDown last week. Tajiri and Mysterio had feuded for months so that was over and done with. Tazz is an absolute pest on commentary going after Mysterio to claim he’s really just eyeing Nidia. Even Cole has to chime in with how ridiculous a take that is. Akio and Sakoda get involved by entangling Nidia which has Noble, and Mysterio, playing hero for her. Noble discards Mysterio during the melee because he’s such a valiant boyfriend protecting his “blind” girlfriend. But then, of course, Noble again shows his true colors when Tajiri does a suicide dive from inside the ring at him on the floor as he pulls Nidia into harms way to sacrifice her. Coward. Back inside the ring, Noble finishes Tajiri with the tiger bomb. The distractions of Mysterio on commentary, Tazz leveling false claims on Mysterio as it relates to Nidia, the interjection of Akio and Sakoda, however brief, all of that happened within a three-minute plus match. Noble becomes the number one contender. Frankly, I’d put the Cruiserweight Title on him at the Royal Rumble as Mysterio, on his talent alone, is so above this nonsense. I have my doubts on that though.

Rating: *1/2

Cole and Tazz recap the conclusion of the Heyman and Cena segment that began the show which ended with the surprise return of Rhyno. To elaborate further on his plans for Cena tonight, it’s Heyman who appears, yet again, this time positioned on an elevated part of the SmackDown set. Heyman says that he speaks for the vast majority of his audience by saying that every time that Cena busts a (new) rhyme he’s corrupting the youth of America. Heyman believes that Cena, and those of his ilk, pose a greater threat to the country than any threat the country faces overseas. Now that’s silly talk. Heyman pitches a match tonight between Cena and Rhyno. The match will be a first of it’s kind with the loser getting his mouth washed out with soap. Heyman is so confident that Cena will lose meaning he’ll wash his mouth out with soap (something Cena’s mother should have done a long time ago). Nonetheless, since he’s a gambling man, if Cena wins, and he won’t, as Heyman doubles down on, it won’t be Rhyno’s mouth that will be washed out with soap. No. Heyman is putting his own mouth on the line instead. The first-ever loser gets his mouth washed out with soap match. OMG!

Cole and Tazz re-visit the conclusion to the Hardcore Holly and Big Show street fight from last week. That was a yawner of a Main Event. After Holly chokes Show out with a steel chair to force a submission he then chased away WWE Champion Brock Lesnar, who was a guest on commentary. Not one person is into their upcoming title match at the Royal Rumble. Following the footage, Big Show, now wearing a neck brace, and Lesnar, are standing by with Josh Mathews. Lesnar is backing Show from that lunatic Hardcore Holly tonight. Show has his own armed security to enforce a 50-foot restraining order he has against Holly. Lesnar promises he’ll stick to Show’s side all night just in case Holly decides to break the restraining order. Tazz applauds Lesnar for watching Show’s back. Cole thinks that’s comical as he tells Tazz that Lesnar is only sticking close to The Big Show tonight so that he’ll also be covered by the 50-foot restraining order because he’s scared of Hardcore Holly. My thought … who’s writing the script? Awful. Simply awful.

The Los Guerreros split from last week is recapped next. Chavo’s heel turn was one of the better-executed heel turns in WWE in many, many years quite honestly. Back live, Kurt Angle enters the dressing room to visit with the betrayed Eddie Guerrero. Kurt tells Eddie that he still feels bad for involving himself in his family business last week. Also, Kurt informs Eddie that Chavo won’t be at SmackDown tonight but another family member of his will be: Chavo Sr., Eddie’s brother. Kurt breaks the news to Eddie that he overheard Paul Heyman make a one-on-one match at the Royal Rumble between Chavo and Eddie. Kurt believes Eddie must be thrilled about that. Of course, that also means, as Kurt points out, that neither can compete in the Royal Rumble match itself. Ouch. Who benefits from that, at least in terms of Eddie not participating? Yep, Angle. I can’t be the only one with that thought. Eddie at last responds in a rather heated tone saying to Kurt that beating up his nephew (at the Rumble) would be like taking out his own heart. Eddie says it’s about respect, essay, and not revenge. What Eddie wants, and what he asks of Kurt is, for Kurt to get out of his business. The groundwork for a future ready-made feud between these two has been laid. We can only dream it fully materializes in the coming months. To me, that’s a money maker.

Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi come out for their WWE Tag-Team Championship match versus The Basham Brothers. Instead of seeing The Basham’s, however, it’s a smoking hot Dawn Marie that’s out next instead. Marie is Paul Heyman’s personal assistant and as such, she has a message to deliver. Dawn informs Too Cool 2.0 they won’t be competing for the tag-team titles tonight, however, they will still compete in a Royal Rumble Qualifying Match. Their opponents? Each other.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match:
Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Rikishi

Result/Analysis: Rikishi via pinfall (2:00) following the rump shaker (banzai drop). Neither man was thrilled to be facing the other as their friendship had to be put aside. Rikishi understood the stakes more, however, and he makes kick work of Scotty. The Royal Rumble match has always needed the big guys in it for the mere thought of what it takes to eliminate them plus Rikishi is the more notable SmackDown SuperStar of the two. Heyman is aiming for the unexpected tonight. What he gave us here was an excuse to hit the john. Next …

Rating: 3/4*

Cole and Tazz hype tonight’s main event between John Cena and Rhyno. The “Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap” match stipulation. Heyman better have the listerine on stand-by because Cena won’t be tasting that bar soap assuredly.

We see the superstars of SmackDown discussing the recent WWE Live Events held throughout Michigan. Angle, Bradshaw and Cena tell us how great it is to perform and connect with the fans. House shows definitely were a different vibe than TV or pay-per-view.

Non-Title Tag-Team Royal Rumble Qualifying Match:
The Basham Brothers [Doug & Danny] (c) (w/ Shaniqua)
vs. The Self-Proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag-Team [Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin]

Result/Analysis: The WGTT via pinfall (4:00) when Haas pins Doug Basham after a superkick by Benjamin. The original match between The Basham’s versus Too Cool 2.0 could have been switched to a non-title RR qualifier, too, but that have meant Scotty 2 Hotty getting in. Obviously, to get Benjamin and Haas both into the RR is the better option despite the backwards way of accomplishing it given they’re a heel tag-team versus The Basham’s, the heel tag-team champs. It’s a vanilla match with no obvious crowd favorite. You’d expect Benjamin and Haas will see a future title shot because of their clean victory here but I’d guess The Basham’s will drop the belts beforehand. SmackDown has 7 spots filled for the RR. To recap that’s Angle, Chris Benoit, Cena, Billy Gunn, Rikishi and now The WGTT. I wonder if Heyman intends to fill the remaining 8 spots on this show because unlike RAW, SmackDown has another show before the PPV on January 25.

Rating: *3/4

Meanwhile, a stage manager alerts Angle that Chavo Jr’s father, Chavo Sr. just arrived at the arena. Kurt thinks that hearing from his brother will be good for Eddie. We shall see …

Chavo Sr. is introduced after a commercial break. He walks out to the ring shaking his head while looking serious but he’s getting booed by the live crowd. Angle informed Eddie earlier in the night that his brother was coming to SmackDown to issue a public apology. Will that happen? Sr. begins by casting no blame at the fans for booing him, especially with what is going on in the Guerrero family. He ackowledges that Chavo Jr. is his son and that Eddie is his brother. Sr. says the whole family is torn over this situation. Personally, Sr. admits he’s ashamed by what his son has done and he’s here tonight to apologize to Eddie for his son. Sr. asks Eddie to come out to the ring. Eddie walks out with some hesitancy as Sr. holds open the ring ropes for him. They shake hands. Eddie starts off asking his brother if Chavito sent him out here? To the contrary, Sr. answers that he’s out here on his own to apologize on his son’s behalf. Eddie chalks that up to Sr. just being out here to play the role of daddy and brother. Eddie doesn’t view that as an apology from Chavo and that things are just going to be OK? Taking a moment, Eddie apologizes to Sr. for that heated reply saying that sometimes his temper can get the best of him. Eddie tells Sr. his anger is not toward him but at his son. However, Eddie wants one question answered. He asks Sr. if he raised his son to turn his back on his family, on the people that love him the most … when things get rough, when the SHIT gets rough? The crowd whistles at that. Eddie tells Sr. that he knows he didn’t raise his son to be like that. Yet, Eddie continues, he still can’t understand why your (Sr.) is out here to apologize instead of Chavito. Sr. admits to Eddie that he’s right. Chavo should be here to apologize and admit he made a mistake. Surprisingly, or not surprisingly, Chavo appears. He is at SmackDown tonight after all. What sources does Angle have? Chavo slowly walks out as Sr. acts unaware that his son was around. Sr. keeps reasoning with Eddie while trying to keep him from charging directly at Chavo. With Eddie’s back to Sr., as he’s facing Chavo outside the ring, Sr. knees Eddie in the back! Cole is beside himself on commentary. From there, it’s a full fledged two-on-one assault. Sr. even holds Eddie up so his son, Chavo can pound away. Wow! Both keep laying the boots to Eddie as Cole hysterically asks what in the hell is wrong with this family? Angle rushes out from the back to come to Eddie’s aid which sends Chavo and Sr. to bail. Was this all a set-up, Cole asks? Obviously it was, you dumbass!!!

Following a commercial break, Cole and Tazz recap the conclusion to the Guerreros segment. We then see Chavo Jr. and Sr. walking toward the parking garage with Jr. voicing to Sr. that Eddie got what he deserved. My take is that the Guerreros family strife, its complete unraveling, keeps getting more entertaining by the week.

The F.B.I. come out to compete in a six-man tag-team match as Cole and Tazz recap their defeat to Benoit in a mini-Royal Rumble last week. Here’s the insatiable Dawn Marie again, though. Good Lord, have mercy! Dawn says that since the F.B.I. are gambling men, and since they lost last week, their odds of competing in the Royal Rumble have shrunk from “3”to “1.” Therefore, tonight, all three will compete in an over-the-top-rope battle royal for 1 entry into the Rumble.

Three-Man Battle Royal:
Nunzio vs. Johnny “The Bull” Stamboli vs. Chuck Palumbo

Result/Analysis: Nunzio (1:23) eliminating Palumbo. At first, Nunzio demands that Palumbo and Stamboli leave and thus vacate the Rumble spot to him since he’s the leader of the group. Both refuse, though Palumbo at least teases an exit. A brief match ensues which is slightly entertaining given we are watching the F.B.I. fight it out for the one spot. Palumbo eliminates Stamboli with a kick to the head but he’s eliminated right afterward by Nunzio. Palumbo has to be calmed down by Nunzio following the loss as Nunzio credits his smarts for how he won the battle royal telling both Palumbo and Stamboli that he’ll win the Rumble for all three of them. I’d have had Nunzio win this impromptu qualifier, too. He’s a rat and therefore, could be a fun entrant in the Rumble.

Eddie Guerrero charges into Kurt Angle’s dressing room and it appears he’s looking for a fight. Uh oh. Eddie is extremely heated and he tosses thingd around. His heat though is not directled at Kurt despite teasing it. In fact, Eddie came to thank Kurt for helping him see the light about Chavo. It’s Chavito that Eddie wants to fight. Well, we learned tonight that the Guerreros will fight each other at the Royal Rumble. We have to suspect now that Chavo Sr. will be involved there.

Cole and Tazz again hype the first-ever wash your mouth out with soap match that’s still to come. Tazz is noticably holding up the “Ivory” package of soap bars. Cole recaps the high stakes night we’ve seen thus far with focus on the two-on-one assault of Eddie Guerrero by Chavo Sr. and Chavo Jr., also noting the friends and enemies that have squared off tonight in Royal Rumble qualifying matches. Speaking of which, another one of those is on tap …

Non-Title Royal Rumble Qualifying Match:
Funaki vs. The Big Show [WWE United States Champion] w/ armed security personnel & Brock Lesnar [WWE Champion]

Result/Analysis: The Big Show via pinfall (1:16) following a right hand knockout punch. Super lame. Funaki as an opponent for The Big Show? Really now?!? This match is an excuse to qualify The Big Show for the Royal Rumble but more so, it’s to focus on Lesnar versus Holly at the PPV which no one cares about. Holly appears at the entryway just to be noticed here and I guess, to be threatening, but no one save for Cole on commentary, as he sells us the title match and does his job, gets all amped up about it. The Big Show favors his injured neck, which is braced, to remind us all what Holly is capable of. Show is a meaningless United States Champion. Does he ever defend the title?

Rating: DUD

Backstage, Rhyno is counseled by Heyman on what’s at stake tonight in the match versus John Cena. Heyman paints a portrait so to speak to compare Cena and Rhyno. He says that on the one side of the ring it’s Cena, saying “he’s rap, the scourge of society, anti-authority, counter culture, (and) the degradation of civilization as we know it today.” “On the other side, Heyman continues, is my hand-picked enforcer. You, Rhyno. The man that’s going to protect the moral fiber of the United States of America. It’s your patriotic duty to allow me to wash out John Cena’s dirty, filthy, profane mouth out with soap.” Heyman tells Rhyno that he understands how he must feel to have been held back here on SmackDown by casting blame for that on the Stephanie McMahon administration. Tonight, what Heyman communicates to Rhyno that he wants, is to witness a resurrection, the resurrection of HIS Rhyno, the EXTREME Rhyno!!! Heyman nailed this one.

The Best of Billy Gunn Countdown:

BG presents the #2 greatest moment (so far) in his illustrious career by taking us back to his winning the King of the Ring in 1999 defeating former DX running mate X-Pac in the finals. The then-WWF could have given us Road Dogg v “Mr. Ass” instead to have the once-New Age Outlaws decide the KOR but deciding on that was seemingly too easy at the time. Gunn promises he’ll be back next week to give us the #1 moment in his career.

First-Ever Loser Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap Match:
* Rhyno will compete under the rules of ECW (incl. no DQ & no count-out) *
** Cena, per Heyman’s edict, is to be disqualified at the first indication of provocation **
Rhyno (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. John Cena

Result/Analysis: Cena via pinfall (13:00 shown) following the F-U. As if there was any doubt that Heyman would be the one whose mouth would be washed out with soap. Rhyno controls most of the match which was sensical given nothing was off limits to him and having Cena just steamroll to the obvious win would have been silly. There are multiple periods where both men are outside the ring but only the referee’s count was on Cena just to emphasize the different rules. Rhyno gets “extreme” in the sense he uses a kendo stick, a steel chair and a table as weapons of choice but in no way do we see an ECW style of match. TV cuts the match down to 13 minutes with a commercial break sandwiched in but live, the time elapsed was between 16 and 17 which is way too much. Cena is the budding star of SmackDown and his push is fully bubbling to the surface of a boiling pot of hot water. He was going over at every turn. Now per the pre-match stipulation it isn’t Rhyno as the loser to get his mouth washed out with soap but Heyman. Chris Benoit aids Cena with getting Heyman soaped as he first prevents Heyman from exiting backstage and then is the one to neutralize Heyman by placing him in the sharpshooter. Cena only has to say “Chris” to have Benoit apply more pressure to make Heyman squeel in pain so he can shove pieces of soap into Paul’s mouth. It’s funny of course but not a moment you look back upon in the history of SmackDown and would readily be able to recall.

Rating: **1/4

The Verdict: The main event and the talk of it dominated the show but Cena was receiving a moonshot push so we didn’t need a silly one night angle to further see that. I liked very little from this show. There were Royal Rumble qualifying matches aplenty but they all stunk. By my count there are now nine confirmed SmackDown entrants for the Rumble: Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Billy Gunn, Rikishi, Nunzio, The Big Show and The WGTT. The blue brand also gives us Lesnar versus Holly for the WWE Championship, Noble versus Mysterio for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship and a match between Los Guerreros at the PPV. Chavo Sr. and Chavo Jr. beating on Eddie like a dog in a planned set up attack was the true highlight of this show. WWE sure went to the well when it come to authority figures being bucked by anti-authority figures didn’t they? With 10 days to go before the Rumble I’m feeling kind of blah about the product.